One of the Worst Quotes on the Internet

It is a sneakily  destructive quote for relationships and personal growth.

We’ve all seen the quote. It floats around social media sites and countless memes have stemmed from it. It’s been attributed to Marilyn Monroe, but the actual source is unknown. The quote I’m talking about reads:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

But most people edit it down to just:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.

It sounds empowering to those who embrace their flaws. We all have flaws. We all have baggage. It’s unfair for someone to expect their partner to be perfect–but it’s even more unfair to expect our partners to put up with our dysfunctional or unhealthy behaviors as a sign of love.

We’ve all been there.

I’m not pretending to have my shit together. I used to cling to this quote. I used to hold it as a standard. “Yes! My worst SHOULD be accepted and handled, because that’s who I AM and the internet told me so!”

Until I learned that my worst was actually really unhealthy. My worst was holding me back. My worst is sometimes a black hole that I get lost in. Believing someone should be able to handle my internal shit storm stunted my emotional growth. Why change bad habits if the right person should embrace them, right?

This quote is an anchor to the past. Don’t let it hold you back.

Our lives have shaped us in ways that we often aren’t aware of. Insecurities that may develop from childhood, trust issues from past relationships, or lack of emotional control from getting everything we wanted. We are conditioned from birth, but quite often we don’t realize we can rewire our brains to react differently and overcome our past.

Bullshit quotes like this enable us to stay stubbornly attached to our current selves. Possibly even our damaged selves. It gives us permission to hold onto our insecurities, let our emotions run wild, and act selfishly.

It tells us it’s okay to be a hot mess, because a good partner will put up with it.

No.

A partner that doesn’t want to put up with our shit might actually be the best thing for us.

They will still love us at our worst, but they should never be expected to like it or handle it, and quite frankly they are under no obligation to continue loving us if our worst becomes our everything. At that point, we are asking someone else to sacrifice their well being to cater to our emotional dysfunctions.

Not cool.

I had a choice in front of me. Be miserable or take control.

It took me a long time to gain clarity, and it was painful to start poking and prodding at my deeply ingrained bad habits, but it was worth it.

I was the epitome of hot mess. More than a few times, actually. The most recent bout of my ‘worst’ coming to the forefront was too much even for me to handle. It was unfair to expect anyone to deal with me in that state.

The only option I had was to stop giving myself permission to be a selfish shit head and figure out how to improve myself.

We are all a work in progress. We are always growing and changing, but some become more stagnant than others, because it’s easy. It’s easy to get stuck in our flaws and ignore how they negatively affect our relationships.

It’s easy to blame others for our unhappiness–but we have complete control over our emotions. We just have to take it. 

I used to externalize the source of my negative emotions. I’d blame other people, my environment, my upbringing, my genetics. I didn’t want to take on the responsibility of fixing myself, because I believed it wasn’t my fault I was broken.

Here’s the truth: It doesn’t matter how we got to our current state. It doesn’t matter if it was self inflicted, or thrust upon us. We are the only ones who can be truly accountable for who we are moving forward.

Ignore that stupid and enabling quote. It will only hold us back and deprive us of a chance to become the next version of ourselves. Do a little introspection and adopt a new quote:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, I’ll work on it, because you deserve me at my best.

We all deserve ourselves at our best.

Handle me at my worst

If you enjoyed reading this, check out my other “profound” thoughts.

I Quit My Job: Now What?

I quit my job. I quit my stable, 8 to 5 office setting job…to be an artist.

Time to panic. Just kidding—kind of.

My first question to myself when making this decision was “What the heck is wrong with you?! Get it together, Kelly!” Then there was this little voice yelling somewhat sarcastically in the back of my mind: “YOLO!”

That voice gets me into trouble sometimes.

In Personality Psychology, I am what is referred to as a “Job Hopper”. I’ve held a total of 13 jobs since I was 15, (and some odd jobs in between). I’ve been a hotel housekeeper, waitress, baker, dental ceramicist, dog walker, cashier, optician, and many more. I’m a model employee when hired, but boredom or anxiety take over fairly quickly and I start plotting my exit. A lot of these jobs were a retail or food/hospitality setting. Minimum wage, no benefits, and high turnover. I attributed my boredom to a general lack of stimulation.  Until my last job on an administrative/finance team in the IT industry.

This setting was fast paced, intellectually stimulating, and had a lot of freedom to learn and grow. The job held my attention for much longer than usual. I loved it. I thought “I’ve finally made it. I am an adult!”

Then I hit a wall. My familiar claustrophobia crept in. At first it is subtle. A general discomfort and propensity to day dream. Then, the irritability began. Tasks I was once indifferent towards became tiresome. Minor inconveniences became a source of anger. Inefficiencies I once desired to correct were unbearable. “Not again,” I thought, but I didn’t give in at first. I fought the urge to move on. The job was great. The people were great. Stable income was a plus. I should like it here, right?

And then I reached ‘Level: F*&% it.’ It’s an awesome level.

Filled with unexpected panic attacks at my desk. Restless legs that want to carry me to a dark corner to hibernate. Inability to recharge my internal battery. Displeasure began to seep into my home life.

Discontentment. Hello, my old friend.

In these situations, it’s like the seasons in my mind shift and I can either fight the inevitable change until I become sick with fatigue—or I can go with the flow. It’s a little difficult to prevent a season from changing. No matter how hard I might try.

So, I quit.

Surprisingly, I’ve gotten quite a bit of positive feedback with this transition. Many people are supportive of the creative lifestyle. Those who know your passions want to see you follow your dreams. There will also be quite a few people who criticize the choice. It’s only natural. Why on earth would I give up stability to do art?

My art teacher in high school once gave the advanced classes an exercise in making a living as a professional artist. He had us budget the cost of materials and how much we’d have to charge for each painting/drawing/creative-something to make a profit. I remember the lesson I came away with was “Wow, being an artist would suck.” And that was my mind set for years. People would ask me if I was going to pursue art as a career and all I could say was “No, I don’t want to be poor.”

I refused to call myself an artist for the longest time. Even in the context of a hobby I renounced the artistic title. It appeared to bring with it an intense sort of scrutiny from the outside world. If you say you’re an artist, people want to see what you’ve got. “Prove it,” they say.

I didn’t want to prove anything to anyone.

Obviously, I have tried to adjust to a more structured environment, but my artist’s heart has other plans for me. Neglecting my creative energy is a cruel sort of malnourishment. I can no longer pretend or wish I am not an artist.

Side note: For those of you who are creative dreamers and you find contentment in traditional careers—I’ve got a lot of admiration for you.

Being an artist means a variety of things. Sometimes, it’s not just about creating works of art. It’s about the way you see the world. The way you take in energy and filter it in your mind. Artists process input and stimuli in a way that creates an end product. Their brains are little creative factories. Random pieces go in—weird, inspiring, mundane, beautiful, horrific, eloquent, and/or confusing things come out; assembled and packaged in a new way. With that being said, we all have the ability to be an artist.

Not all of it is gold. Not all of it should be shared with the world. I’ve got a lot of duds. They are literally stored in a folder on my laptop called “Duds.” Art, writing, poems, songs, recipes, random creations—they’ll never see the light of day. The important thing is that I keep creating. If I don’t, I develop creative constipation. For those of you who are highly sensitive, I’m sure you know the feeling well. It’s like expecting an extrovert to remain silent in a room full of people. You might see their eyelid twitching as they try to control the urge to socialize. Painful to watch. Painful to endure.

In conclusion, I’m an artist. I quit my day job. Now I’m going to figure out how to function and pay my bills before my savings runs dry. Ready and go!

If you have any words of wisdom, questions, encouragement, etc. please do comment below. I will be posting more about my journey as months go by. Whether anyone reads this blog or not.

You’re welcome, internet.

-Kelly

Further Reading: